Nobody gives me more flak over the men I choose to like than my little brother.
Case in point: Having recently begun watching the US version of Top Gear, I have been reminded of how much I like Tanner Foust. I kept it on the DL before this, but as of late I've been pretty out and proud with my various celebrity crushes.
Today my touching but sad crush on Mr. Foust was called into question by my younger brother, who at the ripe age of 11 has seemingly deemed himself the ultimate expert on men in general, specifically on how terrible the men I choose to like are. The only time he can put together a good joke is when he's making fun of me (and understand that my brother is one of those people who try very hard to be funny but just aren't, and come off as irritating and slightly pathetic). I was verbally patting myself on the back, loudly, about how good my boards are on Pinterest, and the family stopped by to investigate. One of my boards centers around guys who I find physically appealing, and so, naturally, there are several pins of Tanner on there. My brother noticed this (how could he not?) and began his usual commentary.
"Ew, you like him? He's how old?" (38 years of age, thank you very much. I'm still down) "He's going to be so old by the time you marry him. Like, fifty. He'll have wrinkles. You'll kiss him and his jaw will fall off." Here he continues in a wizened voice (and began to mime a man with a walker) "Honey, will you help me into bed?" Then continued his diatribe in a normal tone, "Hahaha, you won't have kids together. All your money will be spent on one of those chairs that moves him up the stairs," and on and on ad nauseam, until I started hollering at my mother to make him stop.
It was continued throughout the day, being brought up when Mom voiced concerns about Tanner's height (the internet says he's 5'10" which Mom countered with, "that means in real life he's about 5' 6", honey") and later on as I questioned my own ability to park (quickly answered with a snarky "will Tanner have to teach you how to drive?").
I was not unaware of my brother's negativity up to this point, far from it. These not-so-subtle put-downs about the men I like have been happening to me for quite some time. And no celebrity of mine is immune to my brother's disdain towards them, for no apparent reason. It's happened to Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr. and best of all, my one and only Benedict Cumberbatch. No one is safe.
